mystery unfolded

before:

i don't have a bathmat in my clawfoot tub, but until last sunday, i never really thought about needing one.  on that beautiful afternoon, my sister took two of my nieces and i for mani/pedis at the burlington mall.  i chose a sweet seafoam green colour nailpolish for my toenails, but of course O.P.I. has the whackest names for their polish so it was called something like: "california hear me?" not actually, but something as dumb as that.  i sat in the massage chair and soaked my nasty size 10w feet in the soapy tub, allowing the piss warm water to soften my calloused corny skin.  when the esthetician started shaving the dead skin off, her reaction was appalling and i was pretty embarrassed. it took 5 times longer than it normally does, as the mounds of dead skin piled up beside her. (to my [dis]credit, i hadn't had a pedi in over 5 years).

when i got home i hopped in the shower and almost broke my back because the tub was so slippery.  i couldn't figure out why until i looked down at my pretty feet and realized that all my dead skin was keeping my grip on the mat-less tub... 

i think the gross may outweigh the funny.

after: